changes~~

the changes in my life... everyone will change.. from kids to teenage and to adults... every stage.. diff challenge.. diff expect..

i change.. yes i do.. some ppl may like some ppl may not... i am still the same perhaps.. childish in many ways... but try to be strong sometimes... is that me?? i found that i don understand myself sometimes...

things and life are getting harder... i dunno whether i am brave enough to face all the challenge... i like to take challenge... i can say i am not easy to give up... nowadays i like to stay in my own room.. chat and watch tv... sometimes do some notes.. is kinda surprise i tell ppl to study.. but i dunno what am i doing... iowa here is pretty "dead"... i still love KL life.. =p but almost use to it.. time is getting fast.. almost 3 weeks here d... i hope everything is fine...

there is something never change which is my love to my friends and my family and my dear... i always love u all... hope u all will be happy all the time... and sorry that sometimes being too childish... i just scared to be alone...

HAPPY CNY

class had started for 2 weeks... having homework and quizes already... and is kinda shit i kinda screw up... gotta work hard... cant get to celebrate cny and wear new clothes... but get to celebrate with most of the malaysian senior here... unfortunately no pic i had taken.. :( had fun with it.. and met many new seniors and ppl...

things are getting harder and harder and i need to start to plan my future and everything.. started to be scared and i really dunno what is it going on in my future... cant worry bout it the only thing i can do is work hard.. chances are meant to create for ppl who are prepared are ready.. so the only think i can do is actually work hard and the chances will come automatically... and many things just will come when u don expect it... when u expect it.. it will not really come.. i wander why... =p

feeling kinda stress now... and i am not as smart as other ppl.. i had to work extra extra hard for it... i am really scared i cant make it for many things.. what i know is learn from my mistakes... need to be extra hardworking but is not in my "character list"...

well... start to look for job on campus but of course i need to wait for them to see whether there is space... i hope i can work and get extra COFFEE!!! =p

i dunno what to write... HAPPY CNY everyone... miss everything in malaysia.. btw.. i almost used to the weather and everything here... had to work hard... :)

life on campus

aikz... 1st time living on campus... many things happen... haha... just the day before my class start.. my room mate came... and.. now i know why my room is near the male toilet... is because they place me in a wrong room.. and my room mate is a male.. oh my gosh... so now... i move into another room.. double also but without a room mate... can say so lucky cause i no need to pay extra for single room... =p

2nd thing... still not used to it where i have to share a public toilet... where i need to shit, bath everything there.. aikz... and the room got so many DUST!! i guess i wipe for so many times d... and inside got a few died flies... aikz... and the heater is full of dust... oh ya... and there is an insect coming out from the heater.. aiyo... i called fred help me to kill it.. =p haha.. thank u...

study hope i can get it.. many assignment and quizes are coming up.. so i hope i am not lazy... i hope i can be back in malaysia.. =p because i wanna enjoy my personal toilet.. wahaha.. =p

move into my dome

move into my dome since saturday... lazy to blog so now only blog... hmm.. on the saturday... move in around 12.. thanks for everyone who help me to move my luggage... i live in JEWETT HALL... hmm... 1st time sharing room with ppl... and need to share toilet... one floor one toilet.. obviosly one for male one for female.. the hall got 2 grand piano!! wow.. and can play ping pong, pool... haha... sounds quite fun... ^^

my room mate haven move in.. so till now my room is still consider all mine.. =p haha...

one week in US d... hmm.. i cant imagine i have to be here for at least 4 months 1st.. =p hmm... and oh ya.. after moving in.. have to go to walmart and buy so many stuff.. wahaha.. 1st time going some where like TESCO in malaysia to buy things... and today i went to vest village to shop.. wanna get a pair of shoes but i never get... aikz... my shoes spoilt d... aikz..

lets see when got time go buy... trying to get use to US life.. tmr start class d.. sleep now..

the holiday inn

the hotel

i love S.Y.. heehee..

my bed..

my table

jack, hong thong and me playing around

last day in HOLIDAY INN

holiday inn was the hotel drake paid for us to live in for 4 days.. tomorrow i will be moving in to my campus... haha... so trying to enjoy the bed here... trying to enjoy the toilet here.. because in campus everyone will be sharing a toilet.. =p where boys and girls can be on the same floor... =p haven really go to walmart to buy some stuff... deside to move into it first and will see what should i buy... hmm...

classes starting next tuesday... staying here for 4 days... is like actually quite a long time.. =p cause to say seriously i really not used to it... i need time to used to it... snowing today... and the weather today is only -8 so is ok la... haha.. still quite cold till my lips burst.. ish...

just had a small party in my senior's house.. and we just introduce ourselves and get to know ppl more... ^^ quite enjoyed at least all the seniors help us out... ^^

nothing to say... will post pic for u to see my room if i move in... post pic now..

this area is somewhere near my uni... US they don fence their house..

my shoes can deep inside the snow.. ^^

arrived in US

US and Malaysia had 14 hours difference... now is jan14 9.30pm and its 11.30am jan 15 in malaysia... arrived in US at US time 13th jan around 7... sorry... now only blog.. cause need to settle something and i need time to blog.. haha.. bloggin pic a bit mafan but is ok la...

it's crazy and when we arrived is SNOWING!!! walao.. it's -17 degrees C.. tonight i heard is going to be -30... OMG!!! so i din went out instead... so i stay in the hotel plan by drake.. cause i cant move into my campus yet... its only open on 17th..

what i have done today is went to the US bank and open a account... went to drake and made my ID card... and ate my lunch at almost 3.30... oh my gosh... the US bank took me lots of time.. aikz... went to a chinese restaurant to eat... but the food kinda big dish.. haha.. me and fred and kang han cant finish... fred no mood.. =p haha... sun set at 5pm.. so walk back quickly before it set... wanna play SNOWBALL FIGHT.. haha... fred no glove cant play.. =p cause cant take out my hand.. is really freezing.. i guess the weather was -20++... OH NO!!! is cold.. but the snow was really nice and it has sparkels on it.. shines... *** the snow was 1 feet tall for some place.. haha.. but i heard is normal... they had 3 feet tall snow... wow!! the snow is soft and it's nice to step on it.. can make ICE KACANG!!! haha...

oh ya.. and the world is so small.. my hotel room mate was honey yam from catholic.. haha.. not close at all in chs.. but we met... SUCH A SMALL WORLD!!! ok la.. tmr orientation.. i shall stop blogging here... :) pic time...

this is chicago.. took from the train taking to another terminal...

arrived in des moines... look it's snowing outside.. took inside the car..

this is the view beside my hotel.. is night time...

nice? the plants covered by snow

look at how thick the snow can be.. and is nice where u can play SNOWBALL FIGHT!!! but is too cold.. =p

this building is one part of my uni... i guess.. =p

lunch.. this chicken taste like GU LOU YOK... =p haha..

on the way to US

just arrive japan around 2 hours d... yesterday emo till no tears now... :( japan time is 8.50am now... and i have to wait for 10 hours!!! to wait for 2nd flight... holy shit!! =p i guess in malaysia everyone is still sleeping... cause now is only 7.50am... aiyo... i feel so emo now la... i miss my home.. i miss everything now... thanks to MOMO gang for everything.. and i am now listening to all the songs... hehe.. ^^ everyone download SKYPE!!! TALK TO ME!!!

was kinda boring.. sitting down looking at the plane.. and online!! cost me 500yen.. =p

this ramen even more expensive than internet... =p not bad la.. haha..

the tokyo narita airport.. is LONG!!

before i went to the airport.. on the 12th.. met with alan and yean in the afternoon for lunch at centerpoint... ^^ thanks yea... than after that i have to come back and pack for last few things... than in the evening momo gang come.. had dinner in my house.. suddenly feel so emo.. because i really feel sad to leave... keep crying only... sorry... at klia... my tears cant stop after i say BYE... i know is just leaving for studies.. not migrating.. but i dunno y.. i feel so so emo... i miss my home.. i miss everything.. i hope i can get used to it... fred in the airport.. as usual also emo.. i see him emo i also emo d.. =p have no mood to do things... aikz... in the plane cant get to sleep... but hope is fine... ^^

oh ya.. and thanks for MOMO gang spending time to record.. wahaha.. u guys are my greatest group of friends.. love u all... ^^

yean, alan, me

dinner in my house

nice card design by MOMO gang.. thanks... really touch...

group shot..

with the guys

with the girls

my family

kang han, fred and me

i guess... me and fred had a super big gang of friends to send us.. =p haha... but MOMO gang shouted I LOVE U SHING YIING to me.. make me paiseh wei.. =p but that time i was tearsing and really touch... i really miss my family and everything...

few more days before leaving to US...

wa... sound so sad and emo... haha... these few days basically have to really enjoy lo... haha... with friends... enjoy almost one month d lo.. haha... getting lazy.. hopefully won be lazy in US... =p

hmm... on 8th of jan... went out with simon.. dear and my best ji mui yuen wah... haha... already 2 years never met with simon... OMG... he change dam a lot.. we went to sri petaling to yam cha... and go to oug pasar malam... stupid... never take pic with simon... bring camera also forgot... aikz... i dam forgetfull nowadays.. oh ya... met meeyi, wai seng, wai phan, phiak yee, jian wen at night market.. oh my god... haha... and few more friends... forgot the name... =p haha....

anyway... wish all the best to them... ^^

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

before leaving at lrt station... emo.. =p

on the 9th of jan... went out with EMO roxy and kath... haha... finally out of so many years... we went to take sticker photo... haha... at sg.wang... last time seeing them... feel so emo... but i really happy to know the gang of EMO... all of them are leaving d... roxy and kath are going to AUS... all the best to everyone also.. hopefully our LA trip will success.... ^^ love all of u... and for those in US... remember to meet.. =p haha... keep in touch everyone... ^^

the sticker photo we took... =p

leaving soon.... EMO

leaving to US soon... left few days for me to enjoy with my friends... packing everything and get everything ready... feel so excited to go.. but miss a lot of things... i believe i can do my very best there... and hopefully i really manage to get a degree in 2 years time.. and i also hope i can finish at least one or two professional actuarial science paper in this 2 years... by myself... miss my performance time a lot... :(

yesterday went out with my cousin to hartamas.. soho kl i think... a very nice place.. have chocolate dessert and also baskin robin... =p yummy!!! haha... left few days and hopefully can meet up few friends and have a meal before i leave... but i will be back on summer... i guess.. haha... should say i plan... but i dunno what will happen there... i really dunno... hope everything will be fine... ^^

will stop here... i dunno what to continue.. just to update if not my blog will be dead.. =p

which cartoon character you are...

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?

a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)

b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)

c) Painting in the park (5 pts)

d) Rock concert (1 pt.)

e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favourite type of music?

a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)

b) Alternative (1 pt.)c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)

d) Country (5 pts )

e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?

a) Comedy (2 pts.)

b) Horror (1 pt.)

c) Musical (3 pts.)

d) Romance (4 pts.)

e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?

a) Waiter (4 pts.)

b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)

c) Teacher (3 pts.)

d) Police (2 pts.)

e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?

a) Exercise (5 pts.)

b) Read (4 pts.)

c) Watch television (2 pts.)

d) Listen to music (1 pt.)

e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?

a) Yellow (1 pt.)

b) White (5 pts.)

c) Sky Blue (3 pts)

d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)

e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?

a) Snow (3 pts.)

b) Pizza (2 pts.)

c) Sushi (1 pt.)

d) Pasta (4 pts.)

e) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday ?

a) Halloween(1 pt.)

b) Christmas (3 pts.)

c) New Year (2 pts.)

d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)

e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?

a) Paris (4 pts.)

b) Spain (5 pts)

c) Las Vegas (1 pt)

d) Hawaii (4 pts)

e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?

a ) Someone Smart (5 pts.)

b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)

c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)

d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)

e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!Put you r character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :

You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:

You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You alw ays know what's in and you ' re never out of style , you are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:

You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in y o ur life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:

You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants t o lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:

You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:

You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but neve r ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

處女情結

this story really touching.. so wanna post to my blog for everyone... ^^


開始↓
莫名其妙的和她上床，也糊裡糊塗的接受她。
明知自己不是她第一個男人，但為了孩子，不得不娶她。
就因為不是她第一個男人，他一直懷疑肚子裡的孩子真是他的嗎？
孩子出世了，和他如同一轍，宛如一個模子印出來一樣，
他才承認這是他的對她的疑心也隨著一句句的～～孩子跟你好像。 ～～漸漸降低。 　

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊
　
今天是他們結婚第二年，沒有鮮花，沒有甜言蜜語， 當然也不會有燭光晚餐。 淑靜照往常一樣靜靜地在家等候柏正，已經十點了，他還沒有回來。 這是當初她選擇他的其中原因之一，但是她萬萬沒想到， 博正的（處女情結）竟然那麼深。 從結婚到現在，只要淑靜拒絕柏正，柏正都會說： 「又不是沒經驗，裝什麼處女。 嫌我技術比妳以前的男人差？」可是淑靜想要解釋， 柏正又說：「好啦！好啦！我知道啦！妳不用說了，反正妳學歷比我高，口才比我好嘛！」 就這樣，淑靜過著做不能做，說不能說的婚姻生活。她好痛苦。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　
　
他們平均一個月回去鄉下一次，看公婆也看小孩。 小孩已經一歲了，稍微會扶著東西走路。 淑靜除了逗弄小孩之外，還拖地，洗衣；中午她把飯煮好叫大家來吃。 小姑舀了一些蘿蔔湯起來「媽，妳今天怎麼把蘿蔔切的這麼大塊？」 「那是妳二嫂煮的。」婆婆把責任推給媳婦。 淑靜的大伯看到淑靜好像快哭出來，連忙說：「你們怎麼那麼笨，蘿蔔切大塊煮起來才好吃，妳沒看到外面的人賣蘿蔔湯都是切這樣的嗎？」 淑靜看著大伯站出來替自己圓場，可是博正一句話也不說，心不禁冷了下來。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　　

過年期間，許多親戚都來到鄉下拜年，有的還會住下一，二天；淑靜坐在小板凳，看著像一座小山的衣服不禁皺起眉頭。 剛剛大伯看到淑靜抱著一大桶衣服往外走，就說丟到洗衣機就好了，可是婆婆說衣服用洗衣機洗會變皺，而且這些衣服都是新的，一定要用手洗；淑靜只好把衣服抱到外面洗。 迎著冷風，把手伸進冷的像冰的水，又抽離起來，搓著雙手； 她咬緊牙根把衣服一件一件的在洗衣板上搓洗，當她弄好時已經是二個小時後的事了。 晚上婆婆在樓上對著公公發牢騷，「她瞎了是不是？一隻襪子也不知道要拿去洗，還把博文的衣服染成這樣。」 「淑靜又不是故意的，那隻襪子塞在桶子旁邊，她可能沒看到；博文的衣服就不要穿了嘛！幹嘛這樣大驚小怪的。」公公在旁幫淑靜說情。 婆婆在樓上講話，幾乎樓下的她們都有聽到，淑靜只能坐在那裡接受審判。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊ 　

這幾天大伯帶著女朋友去墾丁玩，順道來博正的家住一晚；因為淑靜在果菜批發商裡做會計，所以早上六點就要上班。 大伯一早起來聽博正說淑靜去上班了，他和女朋友心想淑靜大概還沒吃早餐吧！ 兩人買了一份早餐送給淑靜吃。 淑靜接著這一份熱騰騰的早餐，眼淚差點留下來，連她自己的老公都沒這麼體貼。 淑靜懷孕了，連續好幾天晚上電話鈴聲響，博正去接，對方都沒有出聲音，最後博正有聽到一個男人的聲音。 他掛斷電話，「妳在外面交男朋友？」 「你在說什麼啊？」淑靜一臉疑惑。「妳給我戴綠帽子，是不是？這肚子裡的孩子是誰的？」 博羲瑭y上寫滿了忌妒，懷疑。「這肚子裡的孩子當然是你的，還會有誰的？」淑靜撫著肚子想保護她。 「我的？妳想騙誰，男人都找到這裡來了。走，去把她拿掉。走。」拉起淑靜往外走。 「博正，你不要這樣好不好？就為了一通莫名其妙的電話，你就判我,這種行你太不可理喻了。」淑靜甩開他的手，摸著被他拉疼的地方。 我不可理喻？對，我就是不可理喻，我就是不要這個孩子，走，去拿他。」 博正不管淑靜的掙扎，硬把她帶到醫院拿掉孩子。淑靜萬念俱灰躺在床上哭，博正連一句安慰話也沒。 就這樣，只要淑靜一懷孕，他就帶她去拿掉孩子。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊

淑靜的媽媽遠從花蓮來看淑靜，她看到淑靜消瘦的身材，面無血色的臉龐，問她，「淑靜，妳是沒在吃，是不是？怎麼瘦那麼多。「有呀！」 「有？有會那麼瘦，簡直不成人樣。」媽媽捨不得的說。 淑靜把事情從頭到尾說給媽媽聽，媽媽聽的大發雷霆，「跟他離婚，我們家這一口飯給妳。」 「媽，妳不要生氣啦！這是我選的，我就該承擔。」 「妳怎麼那麼傻，當初為什麼不告訴媽媽，媽媽可以帶妳去做手術。」 「我也沒想那麼多。」那妳現在怎麼辦？一懷孕就拿掉？妳不知道這比生小孩還要傷身體嗎？」 媽媽真擔心才二十二歲的淑靜怎麼過未來幾十年的婚姻生活？ 「媽，我也不知道該怎麼辦？」她喑喑咽咽的哭起來。 媽媽拍拍她的肩，「別哭，媽媽帶妳去醫院裝避孕器。既然博正不愛惜妳，妳要愛惜妳自己，知道嗎？」

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　

淑靜利用果菜市場休假期間回去看小孩，小姑常常向她提起一個男孩子。淑靜了解小姑戀愛了，可是那個男孩竟比小姑小三歲，公婆當然不答應。 二日來，她觀察小姑每天早上都會從皮包裡拿個像避孕藥丸的東西吃，淑靜又不敢私自打開小姑的皮包，只好回去時再告訴博正。 「真有這種事？」博正不大相信。「這只是我的猜測。 博正，你要不要叫小姑來我們這邊問看看？」 「嗯～我會打電話給她，先騙她說要帶她去玩，等她來了再問吧！」 博正拿電話家，終於她上勾了，就等她星期日來的時候再說。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊ 　　

「二哥，二嫂，我來了。」博美一進門就找他們。 看到小姑來了，淑靜好高興，「妳來了呀！來，坐。」 博正從房裡出來，「坐車會不會累？」 博美接下二嫂的飲料，「不會，二哥，你要帶我到哪裡去玩？」 「看妳想去哪裡玩，二哥就帶妳去；不過妳要老實的回答二哥的問題。」博正神色凝重的說。 「幹嘛！二哥，表情那麼嚴肅，好吧！你問。」博美不知死活的喝著飲料。「聽爸媽說妳交了一個男朋友？」 「嗯！」 「而且還小妳三歲？」 「嗯！」「你們進展到什麼地步了？牽手？接吻？還是已經……發生關係？」「我…..」博美不知該怎麼說？ 博正看到妹妹的表情和支支吾吾的說不出話來，大概也知道答案。 「爸媽絕不會答應妳嫁給一個小妳三歲的男人，妳知道吧！」 「我頂多不嫁。」博美嘔氣的說。 「不嫁？就跟那個混小子一直鬼混下去？」博正對著妹妹吼。 從來沒有被哥哥罵過的博美，哭了起來。 淑靜坐在她旁邊安慰博美：「小姑，妳哥哥是關心妳，女人總是老的比較快，他怕到時妳嫁過去，人老珠黃時，那個男孩子會拋棄妳，了解嗎？」 「二嫂，我知道，可是我沒辦法斷啊！我把一切都給他了。」博美講到這裡越哭越大聲。 「沒有關係，二嫂帶妳去做處女膜手術，只要妳跟他不再往來，好不好？我們可以再重新開始。」淑靜抱著她。 過了三個月，博美和那個男孩子總算不再往來，淑靜陪著博美去一家整形外科坐處女膜整形。 回到家，博美拉著淑靜的手，「二嫂，謝謝妳。」淑靜只是笑一笑。 「博美，妳二嫂已經帶妳去做了手術，以後不管怎樣都不能再隨便和男人上床，除非新婚之夜才可以，知不知道？」 「二哥，我知道啦！」博美答應二哥，經過這次教訓，她不會再重蹈覆策了。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊

過了一年，博美經由朋友介紹認識了一個男孩，交往半年， 男方說他三十二歲年紀不小了，要到博美的家提親，博美也答應。 訂婚後，男孩子都會暗示博美想要進一步的發展，但是博美想起二哥的叮嚀，都拒絕他。 自從淑靜帶著博美去做手術後，兩人的關係比姊妹還要親。 三個月後博美嫁出去了，淑靜很擔心博美的整形手術不知道會不會成功？在博美上禮車前，小聲的說：「小姑，明天早上記得打電話給我。」一早，淑靜就待在電話旁等候， 婆婆來叫淑靜去掃地，洗衣，博正都會替淑靜回答：「媽，我來就好。」 婆婆看著他們兩人感情什麼時候變這麼好，「不用了。」說完就走。 終於鈴聲響了，淑靜馬上接起電話，「喂，小姑……成功了嗎？…真的……好，再見。」 「怎樣？有成功嗎？」博正緊張的問她。 「嗯！成功了。」淑靜笑一笑 博正高興的抱著淑靜，「謝謝妳。」 推開了博正，淑靜苦笑著，「不用謝我，我只是不想再有第二個吳淑靜。」說完就拿起掃把掃地。 博正聽完淑靜的話，才知道自己傷害她有多深。 他下定決心，從現在開始，他要好好的愛她。 淑靜最近這幾個月的月經都不順，不是太早就是太晚，她不在意；直到這次的月經血流量多的讓她雙腳發軟，她才去看醫生。 黃太太，妳這種情形已經多久？」醫生看到淑靜從內診室出來，問她。 淑靜坐在椅子上，「大概將近一年了。」 「妳怎麼拖那麼久才來？妳有拿過小孩吧？刮除不乾淨，再加上傷到 子宮壁，妳的子宮裡長瘤，妳最好盡快開刀，要不然對妳不好喔！」醫生建議她。 「醫生，那瘤是良性的還是惡性的？」 「這要等妳開刀後拿去檢驗才知道。」

＊ ＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊

她六神無主的坐在客廳，連博正回來了她也不知道。 博正脫下外套，看淑靜呆呆的坐在那裡一動也不動，親一下她的臉，「為了公司的事心情不好？」被突來的親吻驚醒的淑靜，一想到她和博正好不容易才剛開始的甜蜜生活，萬一在開刀中不幸走了， 那她怎麼走的開？「妳怎麼哭了？什麼事讓妳這樣苦惱？」 博正擦擦她的淚。「我要開刀。」 「開刀？為什麼要開刀？」博正看她好好的。 「因為以前拿孩子太多次了，刮除不乾淨，再加上傷到子宮，我的子宮裡長瘤。」淑靜把醫生診斷的話說給博正聽。 博正不敢相信自己以前的作為竟然造成淑靜現在的傷害那麼大，「什麼時候開刀？我陪妳。」 「不用了，以前我生病你也沒陪我，這次我自己去就好。」 淑靜不敢奢望。「淑靜，妳不要這樣好不好？我陪妳去，從頭到尾陪妳。」博正為自己的不是開始後悔。

＊ ＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　　

開刀房前，淑靜的媽媽看到博正緊張的走來走去，不屑的說：「博正，你現在走來走去是走真的？還是走給別人看的？要不是你醋桶那麼大，逼著淑靜一懷孕就拿掉， 她今天會躺在開刀房任人宰割嗎？我是把話跟你講在前面， 淑靜有個三長兩短，可別怪我不客氣。」 博美看到親家母生氣的樣子，連忙出來替哥哥說情，「親家母，我二嫂不會有事的，二哥最近也對二嫂很好。」「最近才對她好有什麼用，平時不珍惜。」淑靜的媽媽替女兒打抱不平。 「媽，對不起，我知道錯了，請妳原諒我。」博正一臉慚愧的蒂b丈母娘面前讓她數落。 過了二個小時，「吳淑靜的家屬」護士在門口喊。 看到有人走過來，「你們是吳淑靜的家屬？她已經在恢復室，看誰要過去陪她？」 淑靜的媽媽雖然想要進去，但她知道目前淑靜最想看的人是誰，所以就叫博正進去。 博正跟著護士來到淑靜的病床旁，淑靜的麻醉藥劑還沒退， 躺在病床上像睡著一樣，消瘦的臉經過開刀更加沒有血色。 博正深呼吸盡量不讓眼淚留下來。 他聽護士的話，盡量跟淑靜說話不要讓她睡著。 淑靜隨著麻醉藥劑漸漸退了，身體的病痛也越來越難過， 她拉扯床巾，一直搖頭喊痛。 博正一夜沒睡陪著她，這就是他種下的孽，也是他要承受的果。 可是淑靜受的苦比他還多。 第二天，醫生來探房，簡單的和淑靜問幾句話後，叫博正出來。 「你太太的檢驗報告出來了，是惡性腫瘤，而且已經轉變成癌症。」 博正不敢相信，「會不會檢驗錯了？」 醫生搖搖頭，「黃先生，她剩下的日子不多，好好陪她吧！」 看到博正進來，淑靜問他，「博正，醫生跟你說什麼？ 怎麼那麼久。」 「沒事，他只是說這幾天傷口好了就可以出院了，我剛剛去打電話給媽媽，告訴她這個好消息。」 「喔！是這樣。我想睡了，可不可以請你幫我把床搖下來一點。」 「好。」博正慢慢地把床搖下來，看著淑靜睡了，眼淚一滴滴的掉。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　　

「你還我女兒來…還我女兒來……她好好的一個人嫁到你們家，做牛做馬，毫無怨尤……你還這樣對待她……你還是人嗎？」 博正跪在靈前，任由丈母娘怎麼打，怎麼罵，他都不還手也不還口。 是他對不起她，是他害她年紀輕輕的就這麼走了。 「親家母，別打了，我知道這對妳很不公平，可是人死不能復生，妳就別再傷心了。」博正的爸爸扶起她。 「把她送回花蓮。」淑靜的媽媽很痛心的說。 博正的媽媽一聽到馬上反對，「不行，親家母，她嫁到我們家來就是我們 的人了，怎麼可以把她送回去？」 「你們的人？你們有當她是你們的人嗎？大冷天的叫她一個人洗一大桶的衣服，對她喚東喚西的，一下子要她做這個，一下子要她做那個，我看她是你們的僕人吧！」 淑靜的媽媽把淑靜回娘家時說的苦處全說出來。 「妳……」博正的媽媽說不出話。 「我地已經買好了，她生前都沒人疼，死後你們會去看她嗎？」 「媽，我求求妳，把她留下來好不好？」博正跪在淑靜的媽媽面前。 「博正，不是我要把你們拆散，你有沒有想過，當你硬拖著淑靜去墮胎時，淑靜也是像你現在求我的樣子在哀求你，求你相信她，求你讓她生下孩子，可是你是怎麼對待她的？她每次一懷孕，你就帶她去墮胎。」 博正的爸爸一聽到親家母的話，走過去揍博正一拳，「你這個畜生，你竟敢這樣對待淑靜，看我怎麼修理你。」他一拳一拳的揍在博正的身上，直到博文強拉開爸爸。 「親家母，妳帶淑靜回去吧！」博正的爸爸答應她。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　　

今天是淑靜的忌日，博正牽著孩子來花蓮祭拜她。 淑靜的媽媽正彎著腰拔著雜草，口中念念有詞的對著女兒說話。 聽到一聲「媽。」她回過頭看到博正和孫子，不理會他們， 繼續手上的動作，「你來這裡做什麼？你不覺得已經來不及了嗎？」 博正把鮮花放在瓶子裡，因為淑靜在過世前，曾對他說： 「博正，我沒有作對不起你的事，你要相信我。萬一我死了，可以送我一對鮮花嗎？」即使是每天一束花他都願意，只要淑靜可以活過來，可是已經來不及了。 「這是淑靜在還沒嫁前寫的日記，你拿去吧！」淑靜的媽媽從袋子裡拿出一本厚厚的書交給博正。 ………我遇到那個叫博正的男孩，我好喜歡他………… ～～今天騎車和人家相撞，右腳的傷口好大，痛死了，全身酸痛，而且月經也來了，好奇怪，才十天而已怎麼就來了？…………… ～～博正今天帶我去海邊玩，全身曬的紅通通的，下次要去海邊一定要記得擦防曬油…………… ～～昨天晚上和博正睡在一起，第一次好痛喔！ 可是為什麼我沒有流血呢？奇怪，大家不是都說會流血的嗎？ 博正會不會誤以為我不是處女呀？………… ～～糟糕，月經已經超過一個月都沒來，怎麼辦？ 會不會是懷孕了？…………. ～～博正聽到我懷孕了，說要娶我，我好高興，可是他是因為愛我才娶我？還是因為肚子裡的小孩呢？…… ～～明天就要結婚了，我一定會好好的愛他，也會愛他的家人……… 「淑－靜－」博正概略的看完整本日記，大聲的喊著她的名字。 「對不起，我對不起妳。妳原諒我好不好？淑靜……..」他跪在地上把頭一直撞墓碑。 「起來吧！她最愛的人是你，每次她回來說起你家的事， 雖然很傷心，但她都一一承受起來。只要你相信她，我想她在九泉之下會瞑目的。」淑靜的媽媽拉他起來。 博正坐在地上，扯著頭髮，「我現在才相信她，已經太慢了。」 淑靜的媽媽拉下博正的手，「博正，不會太慢，淑靜這孩子心很軟，只要你真心誠意的相信她，她一定會原諒你的。」 每年，淑靜的墓前都會有一個男人，彎著身，拔著雜草，口中喃喃有辭的對著她說話。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　＊　

思念總在分手後....
為何總在失去後,才發現那是你的最愛!!
男人就是這樣,總是希望自己的女人是處女....
第一次就是要給他!!
但他們有沒有想過,若是處女又不見得是第一次...(可以去重做一個)
若不是處女又不一定不是第一次...(可能不小心傷到)
話又說回來,男人希望自己的老婆是處女, 自己又喜歡在婚前多玩幾個,這不是很矛盾嗎?
由此可見,男人最自私....(當然也有少部份優質男性)
但願像這樣的故事,能警惕各位男士,別讓它發生在你身上...
好好愛惜你身邊的紅粉知己吧!! 愛她 疼她多照顧她

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!

at miao and leo's condo

hmm... late for a few days... on new year's eve... went to miao and leo house.. to COUNTDOWN!!! haha... but too bad that day.. because too hungry till i feel like vomiting when i start eating... ate too fast... ish... but i enjoyed that day... from their house can see fireworks from curve.. 1u... and few places... WOW!!! hitting 20 this year.. and things started to change when i am going to US... facing many problem and emo... i guess i will definately miss malaysia a lot... dam a lot...

well... after that my ji mui yuen wah came my house overnight... had a chat till almost 4... haha.. than next day go out to pyramid some more.. walaoye... i guess i always go out with MOMO gang lo.. haha... post pic.. :)

look at wilson... =p cover my head

very 3 8.. =p posing with the vodka

i almost pengsan.. =p makan.. =p

all our hp

yuen wah, alicia, mei, me

small group shot

me, dear, wilson and teng teng

the girls... yuen wah, elle, mun, alicia, me

GROUP SHOT - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

ali K.O??

just playing around.. ^^

leo mop the floor ^^

wilson helping or playing around??

i helping miao to wash the dish.. haha

at pyramid on 1.1.2009.. eating baskin robin

eating dinner